Badass Things From Scotland

Today is our favorite Scotsman's birthday.  Happy birthday Tim!  In honor of Tim, here's the 5 Most Badass Things Scotland Gave Us.  Because if it's not Scottish, it's crap!

It's also his dog Aimoth's birthday.  Seriously.

5. Malcolm Tucker

"I'll just have to kill the both of you then, won't I?! That's a joke, by the way, not a very nice one, a nasty one, which masks a lot of very negative feelings about this fucking department."

Don't recognize him?  I don't blame you, but I should.  Malcolm Tucker is the right hand man for the British Prime Minister in the BBC TV series The Thick of It and it's spinoff movie In The Loop.  Tucker runs the goverment's crisis management and is it's leading spin doctor.  But more importantly, he is also a great insulter who is very profane and clever with his words.  Here is a random sampling of Tucker's lines:

He's as useless as a marzipan dildo.

[on the phone to a colleague about how busy he is]
I've got more on my plate than a spinster at a wedding. That wasn't a reference to your daughter by the way, Andrew.
[later in the episode, on the phone again]
Doug Hayes is a massive abortion. Again, not a reference to your daughter.

I mean the guy is an epic fuck-up. He’s so dense that light bends around him.

Passer-By: Hey buddy, enough with the curse words, alright?
Malcolm: Kiss my sweaty balls you fat fuck!

[to a baby faced White House aide]
Don't get sarcastic with me son. We burnt this tight-arsed city to the ground in 1814 and I'm all for doing it again. Starting with you you Frat Fuck. You get sarcastic with me again and I will stuff so much cotton wool down your fucking throat it'll come out your arse like the wee tail on a playboy bunny.

4. Kilts

Liam Neeson, a sword and a kilt.  This is the greatest picture ever.

There's not much else that says "I am a man" than a giant flannel skirt.  I'm serious.  "But it's a skirt" you say, "and girls wear skirts."  You know who else wears skirts?  Bad ass men with balls so big they don't fit into pants.  You know, real men.  Plus it's flannel!

3. Scotch whiskey



2. Tests of Manhood

He's able to throw that giant log because he's wearing a kilt.

The Scottish Games have the manliest, bad assest test of manhood and bad assery ever created.  The Caber Toss.  The Stone Put.  The Hammer Throw.  The Weight Throw.  Weight Over The Bar.  Bear Wrestling.
Okay I made that last one up, but that's because they don't have bears in Scotland.  The bears all left when they got scared shitless by seeing the Scottish Games.

1. Braveheart

Not pictured: his kilt.

What's the greatest movie ever?  You guessed it, Braveheart.