There are fictional characters we hate because we're supposed to and the actor does a fantastic job, like Michael Chiklis in The Shield or Ben Linus from Lost. Then there are characters that ruin movies for us. This list is about them.
Really, Jar Jar Binks is #1, but you knew that already.
Derek Zoolander
That goes way beyond guyliner.
Some would say that opening so soon after September 11th doomed this film at the box office. We would say that Derek Zoolander's empty, self absorbed life was the reason why. Protagonists are supposed to be likable, Zoolander is a major contributing factor to the despise of Ben Stiller.
Beni from The Mummy
May I offer you some shit I traded my child for?
He makes your skin crawl, just like those beetles that get in everyone's skin in The Mummy. Benny always finds a way to squirm out of anything, because he has no soul. You can be sure he sold it a while back to escape some situation. After only a few scenes you hope that Brendan Frasier beats him to a pulp, and then hawks his flesh and limbs for money to street peddlers.
Chloe from 24
Jack Bauer has fucking had it with these god damn terrorists. Chloe O'Brien has fucking had it with these god damn work emails about refrigerator use.
She whines, whines and whines some more. For six seasons. Only to Chloe is helping to save the world from destruction a drag on her day. Her exclusive knowledge of the inner workings of some of the most important software mainframes that national security depends on keeps her from being canned for insubordination and an exceptionally poor attitude towards her coworkers. And since she has no people skills, it is impossible to train a replacement for her.
Dr. Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galatica
Contemplating ways of fucking over the human race.
Without giving anything away, Baltar is huge, slimy, cowardly douche. You spend the entire life of his character arc hoping someone shoots him in the face. His only redeeming quality is the insanely hot Number Six who is always at his side. To make matters even worse, somehow, someway, Baltar gets laid a lot on the show, and there are very many beautiful women in the BSG world.
Corporal Upham from Saving Private Ryan
You expect me to carry ammo? What do you think I am, a soldier?
Most Battle Dress Uniforms have holes in the pockets to drain out water from a river or lake or mud from a swamp. Cpl. Upham's uniform has holes in the pockets to drain out when he pisses his own pants. If not for the draft and the need for warm bodies on D-Day, Upham immediately washes out of the military. Upham is such a giant crying pussy that he's the first and only person that made you root for the Nazis.
Dave
Bill Paxton in anything
Why couldn't they have this guy get decapitated in U-571?
To call Bill Paxton's acting wooden is a disservice to wood. True Lies is a high water mark for Paxton: Arnold destroys his face, and later he pisses his pants. You rooted for the tornado against him in Twister, for the aliens in Alien, and when he got shot in Tombstone you were happy that his storyline was over. In fairness he was solid in Apollo 13, but then again he had Ron freaking Howard directing him.
Ruby Rhod from The 5th Element
Tim actually owns this same outfit.
Look, I realize that Chris Tucker is supposed to be incredibly annoying in this movie. And it's a compliment to Chris Tucker's performance that he is. But he's so annoying that I can't watch this movie solely because of Ruby Rhod.
Sméagol from Lord of the Rings
Those puppy eyes aren't going to fool me.
Yeah, I went there. Face it, in nearly every scene he's in you too are going “just fucking kill him already.” And hopefully it's a quick death so they don't spend any more time on him. I understand that he's a major mechanism in the story, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate him.
Marty McFly from Back To The Future
A denim jacket and a puffy vest? Maybe you should have traveled to 2010 and pretended to be a hipster.
I don't like these movies. And it's almost entirely because of Marty McFly. There is nothing about him that is enjoyable. He's the wimpiest skateboarding punk ever and he likes Huey Lewis and the News, as if the latter wasn't bad enough. Man discovers time travel and this is the guy we chose to send back in time. What the hell. If only those terrorists at the start of the film weren't such lousy shots.
Willie Scott in Temple of Doom
Careful honey, you might chip a nail.
Short Round is bad too, but if you liked anything about Kape Capshaw in this film, then you must be a sadist. It's a wonder that Indiana Jones didn't just throw her over the side of the mine cart or offer her up to the savages to have an anesthesia-less heart removal. How did Capshaw get this role? Simple, she's Spielberg's wife.
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