Badass Teachers

When you were a kid, did you ever wonder what your teachers did outside of the classroom?  There's no way it was as cool as what these guys did in their spare time.

 We're sure he wasn't an auctioneer.

Sci Fi Movies

As you probably already can tell, we are geeks.  We're not live-in-our-mother's basement dweebs or Trekkies, we just like a really good sci fi show or movies. So here's our Top 5 Sci Fi movies.  Let's get to it...

You're not cutting it E.T., but we do like that you're an alcoholic.

Characters We Don't Want To See In Star Wars 3D

We've been away for a while. Boo fucking hoo.

It was recently announced that Star Wars will be re-released in 3D. The Battle of Yavin, light sabre fights, the asteroid field in Empire Strikes Back... all could be really cool in 3D. We're looking forward to it. What we're not looking forward to is seeing these 5 characters popping out of our screen.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Because he's fucking Jar Jar Binks.

2. That Guy Who Cried When the Rancor Died



He's fat, ugly and topless. He dresses terribly, and is probably covered in sweat. You could cut this guy out of the script and lose nothing. But George Lucas will spend $25 million on making his muffin top and cape he inexplicably wears on his head flop around right in your face. In fairness, he should be credited with setting the grunge trends of wearing a long sleeve shirt wrapped around your waist, and not showering.

3. Lando's Co-Pilot



Yes, I know these characters have names. If you know their names without looking them up, you need to go outside and enjoy nature. Right now. Don't be scared, you might like it.

Some people have double chins, Lando's co-pilot has double cheeks. He looks like Dumb Donald from Fat Albert, and sounds like Mushmouth. Come to think of it, they outta sue George Lucas. Not for stealing their characters, but for making them into something so terrible.

(I just noticed that the photo I used is autographed. Let us all take a moment to reflect on the fact that someone's life got one step closer to fulfillment because they got a picture of this guy autographed.)

4. Young Boba Fett



There will be enough bratty kids already in the theater, and they'll probably be kicking you from behind or sitting next to you kicking you in the leg or spilling popcorn on you. And now you'll have one popping out of the screen in front you. Unlike that little squirt in the next row, he won't be whining for a friggin' Butterfinger. No, he'll just be whining for the hell of it. His one saving grace is that you'll get to see him hold his dad's detached head in his hands as he weeps, realizing that for the first time in his life he'll have to go out and work for something. No longer will he have anything just given to him, except for Jango Fett's head.

5. Watto



He's obviously disgusting and a creep. And having his one tooth stick out at you would be pretty bad. Then there's the added bonus of there's flies that surround his near dead carcass in Attack of the Clones. But even worse is that about the time you see Watto, the saddening realization that you have paid money to see Attack of the Clones again will have sunk in, and by then it's too late.

Post-Apocalyptic Movies

Here at Top 5, we're ready for the apocalypse. Heck, we even warned you about the zombie apocalypse a while back. So it's time we looked at our favorite post-apocalyptic movies.

Christian Bale is going to slice all our faces off for not putting Equilibrium on this list.

Westerns and Their Mustaches

A great western is hard to beat. Action, drama, fantastic actors, wonderful costumes, elegant set pieces and beautiful scenic locations... they've got it all. Oh, and they've usually got some great mustaches.

There is no better movie for mustaches than Tombstone.

Lame Villains

A great villain can really make a movie. Heath Ledger's The Joker, Norman Bates, Hannibal Lecter... they're very memorable and they're the star of the film. Then there's the other side: a villain so lame, so hilariously bad that you can't forget them either. Here's our (least?) favorites...

Most Annoying Actors

This isn't a list of worst actors. Just the ones that annoy the crap out of us. Guest starring Marc.

Yeah he sucks too.

Tim
1. Nicolas Cage
2. Sean Penn
3. Juliette Lewis
4. Carlos Mencia
5. Richard Gere

Wes
1. Hugh Grant
2. Billy Crystal
3. Ben Afleck
4. George Clooney
5. Bruce Willis

Dave
1. Jimmy Fallon
2. Joe Pesci
3. Dane Cook
4. Nick Cage
5. Steven Seagal

Marc
1. Nicolas Cage
2. Carlos Mencia
3. Dane Cook
4. Vin Diesel
5. Steven Seagal

Movie Sequels

Who doesn't love a good sequel? You get to develop the characters more, you get to unveil new goodies, and you can introduce some really cool new characters. Here's our favorite five, fittingly all tied for second.

Good thing the planned sequel to this, Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League wasn't made, or we'd have to break this list up. Seriously, the end of the credits promises a sequel.

T-2. The Dark Knight
T-2. The Empire Strikes Back
T-2. The Godfather, Part II
T-2. Terminator 2
T-2. The Two Towers

Laughing Gas

Our favorite comedic TV shows and movies, and our top stand up comics. Guest appearance by Marc.

I promise you Yakov Smirnoff is not on here.
Except for this photo.

Dave

TV Shows

1. Seinfeld
2. The Simpsons
3. Kids in the Hall
4. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
5. Chappelle's Show

Movies

1. 40 Year Old Virgin
2. The Big Lebowski
3. Anchorman
4. Borat
5. This is Spinal Tap

Stand Up Comics

1. Bill Hicks
2. Eddie Izzard
3. Mitch Hedberg
4. Dave Chappelle
5. George Carlin

Wes

TV Shows

1. Seinfeld
2. The Simpsons
3. Curb Your Enthusiam
4. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
5. Married with Children

Movies

1. Dumb and Dumber
2. Billy Madison
3. Death to Smoochy
4. Army of Darkness
5. Pick of Destiny

Stand Up Comics

1. Jerry Seinfeld
2. Sam Kinnison
3. Jim Carey
4. Bob Saget
5. Tom Greene

Tim

TV Shows

1. Arrested Development
2. Seinfeld
3. The Simpsons
4. Married with Children
5. The Office

Movies

1. The Big Lebowski
2. Dumb and Dumber
3. Super Troopers
4. Galaxy Quest
5. Blazing Saddles

Stand Up Comics

1. Chris Rock
2. Dave Chappelle
3. Eddie Murphy
4. Robin Williams
5. Patton Oswalt

Marc

TV Shows

1. Peep Show
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Arrested Development
4. South Park
5. Mighty Boosh

Movies

1. Anchorman
2. Pineapple Express
3. Superbad
4. Life of Brian
5. Jackass

Stand Up Comics

1. Robin Williams
2. Dave Chappelle
3. Eddie Izzard
4. Chris Rock
5. Mitch Hedberg