Things We Love About Wes

So, some back story to this site.  A while back there was one of those 6 week Facebook fads where everyone and their mother compiled their own Top 5 List.  Top 5 pro wrestlers, Top 5 sports teams you hate, that kind of thing.  One day at work we were having a very slow day and to pass the time Tim suggested that he, Dave and Wes do their own Top 5 lists.  It was a little exercise to kill time and get to know each other a little better.  We'd come back to this when it got slow, and then one day Dave had the bright idea to make a website out of it, and so here we are.  Along the way we've had some guest stars when other co-workers were scheduled with us, but for the most part it's just been the usual trio.  But now we are sad to announce that Wes is no longer with us.*  In his honor, here are our Top 5 Things We Love About Wes.

Sci Fi Movies

As you probably already can tell, we are geeks.  We're not live-in-our-mother's basement dweebs or Trekkies, we just like a really good sci fi show or movies. So here's our Top 5 Sci Fi movies.  Let's get to it...

You're not cutting it E.T., but we do like that you're an alcoholic.

People We'd Like To See Stuck In A Chilean Mine

The world needs heroes.  This week, the world got a look at 33 brave souls who endured unimaginable conditions to survive a horrific mine collapse in Chile.  They survived for the first 17 days on a sip of milk and two bites of tuna... every 48 hours.  It was unbearably hot and humid and the air was disgusting.  And no one had any idea they if were alive during that time.  They all survived, they all made it.  (Side note: some of the survivors from the rugby team who's plane crashed and was the basis of the movie Alive were there to talk to the miners for support.  That strikes us as a terrible idea. "If you get hungry, just eat Fred" is not the advice we want them to give.)  With that in mind, here's our top five people we'd like to see trapped in a mine.  We're in no rush to save them.

We'd stick him far underground, but he'd be right at home.

Characters We Don't Want To See In Star Wars 3D

We've been away for a while. Boo fucking hoo.

It was recently announced that Star Wars will be re-released in 3D. The Battle of Yavin, light sabre fights, the asteroid field in Empire Strikes Back... all could be really cool in 3D. We're looking forward to it. What we're not looking forward to is seeing these 5 characters popping out of our screen.

1. Jar Jar Binks

Because he's fucking Jar Jar Binks.

2. That Guy Who Cried When the Rancor Died



He's fat, ugly and topless. He dresses terribly, and is probably covered in sweat. You could cut this guy out of the script and lose nothing. But George Lucas will spend $25 million on making his muffin top and cape he inexplicably wears on his head flop around right in your face. In fairness, he should be credited with setting the grunge trends of wearing a long sleeve shirt wrapped around your waist, and not showering.

3. Lando's Co-Pilot



Yes, I know these characters have names. If you know their names without looking them up, you need to go outside and enjoy nature. Right now. Don't be scared, you might like it.

Some people have double chins, Lando's co-pilot has double cheeks. He looks like Dumb Donald from Fat Albert, and sounds like Mushmouth. Come to think of it, they outta sue George Lucas. Not for stealing their characters, but for making them into something so terrible.

(I just noticed that the photo I used is autographed. Let us all take a moment to reflect on the fact that someone's life got one step closer to fulfillment because they got a picture of this guy autographed.)

4. Young Boba Fett



There will be enough bratty kids already in the theater, and they'll probably be kicking you from behind or sitting next to you kicking you in the leg or spilling popcorn on you. And now you'll have one popping out of the screen in front you. Unlike that little squirt in the next row, he won't be whining for a friggin' Butterfinger. No, he'll just be whining for the hell of it. His one saving grace is that you'll get to see him hold his dad's detached head in his hands as he weeps, realizing that for the first time in his life he'll have to go out and work for something. No longer will he have anything just given to him, except for Jango Fett's head.

5. Watto



He's obviously disgusting and a creep. And having his one tooth stick out at you would be pretty bad. Then there's the added bonus of there's flies that surround his near dead carcass in Attack of the Clones. But even worse is that about the time you see Watto, the saddening realization that you have paid money to see Attack of the Clones again will have sunk in, and by then it's too late.

Post-Apocalyptic Movies

Here at Top 5, we're ready for the apocalypse. Heck, we even warned you about the zombie apocalypse a while back. So it's time we looked at our favorite post-apocalyptic movies.

Christian Bale is going to slice all our faces off for not putting Equilibrium on this list.

Gridiron Heroes

NFL training camps open up across the league this week, so we thought it would be a good time to give our Top 5 favorite players from our favorite teams. Wes, who isn't a football fan anyways, was out last week, so Ryan stepped in for him.

Medieval Weapons

"What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass." - Pulp Fiction

The ball gag could be considered medieval.

Okay Marcelus, but pliers and a blow torch ain't medieval. Try these. Guest starring Scott.

Lame Comic Book Characters

Last week we did our favorite comic book characters. Today it's the worst of the worst.


Multiple Man would be #1 on our sister site, Infinite List.
He'd also be #2 through ∞

It's tough to create a good comic book character, you never know exactly what readers are going to respond to. For example two of the most popular characters are a guy who dresses up like a bat, and his arch enemy who wears clown makeup. So we can let mediocre ones slide. But these 5, all big enough to at least appear, if not "star" in a movie or TV show, are inexcusable. We present them in no particular order, because ranking this shit is too painful.

Comic Book Characters

We're back! We're quasi-geeks here at Top 5, and we're okay with that. Here's our Top 5 comic book characters, both the superheroes and the villians.

Guest starring Scott.

There's only four of you, so no, you don't make the list.

USA vs England

The World Cup Starts today, and tomorrow the US takes on England in it's biggest game since... last year. There will be a lot of people who don't know much about soccer watching, so we feel it's our patriotic duty (even for Wes, who's Canadian by birth) to give you a primer. So here are the Top 5 things we'd like to see happen in the US/England World Cup match tomorrow.


We asked Tim Howard for his input, but he's still thinking about it.

Guitar Solos

The guitar is the backbone of rock. The marrow that runs through it is the guitar solo.

Here are our favorite solos. Favorite being the key word. Don't like it? Leave us your own.

Eruption isn't on here. Sue us.

2010 Playoff Beards

One of the best things about playoff hockey is the infamous Playoff Beard. Often duplicated by other sports, it is never truly replicated. In honor of the Stanley Cup Finals beginning on Saturday, here are our Top 5 Playoff Beards for 2010. Only the Finalists, the Philadelphia Flyers and the Chicago Blackhawks are eligible. You'll notice that it's mainly Flyers, for two reasons. One, I'm a huge Flyers fan. Two, let's face it, they have the better beards.


Flyers captain and hero Mike Richards is looking forward to this list.